We all know that photography is a technical subject – filled with its own language, vocabulary and jargon.

Sometimes, however, those cryptic sayings can mean something completely different.

Here’s my quick guide to what a lot of photographers say, and what those things really mean… of course, it should be noted that this article is not entirely serious!

Photo by Gratisography

1. I’ve gone for a moody look in this shot: I forgot my second light.
2. Of course you don’t have a double chin: Or at least you won’t by the time I’ve finished in Photoshop.
3. I only use natural light: Studio lighting terrifies me.
4. There’s not enough natural light: I’m not a big fan of flashguns either.
5. Grain adds a really arty look to this style of photo: I forgot that I’d left my ISO on 3200.
6. You can take a great photo with any camera: I need a new camera.
7. I love the look of your photos: Now teach me what you did in post production.
8. My camera is just a tool: I still have no idea what half the settings on my DSLR do and I really miss the simpler days of film.
9. DSLRs are so intuitive these days: Making it far too easy for any Tom, Dick or Harry to think they’re a photographer. I still miss film.
10. Yes, the venue does look beautiful only lit by candles: I’ve seen more light in a cave – how on earth do you expect me to get any shots in here?
11. I really don’t see the point of the extra stops in the f2.8 version of this lens – f4 covers all my needs: Unless I win the lottery next week, the f4 version is going to have to do just fine.
12. Just try and relax: Please don’t make me resort to telling one of my bad jokes – especially as there’s a risk I’ll forget the punchline.
13. I’m not interested in making money – photography is an art form: I’ve just graduated from art school.
14. I try to treat Photoshop like a digital darkroom: I still have no idea what half the tools in Photoshop are for and yes, I’m still missing film.
15. The light’s all wrong: I really can’t be bothered with the amount of complexity it’s going to take to set up this shot.
16. I’ll fix that later: Because I totally failed to notice the bin right in the corner of the shot.
17. A real photographer gets everything right in camera: But I’m not averse to fixing things in Photoshop if I have to. Just don’t tell anyone.
18. No, I’m afraid I can’t do your shoot for $50: You pay peanuts, you get a monkey…

Have you heard other similar things said by fellow photographers?

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